Originally published by The Clifton Courier, January 12, 2022

Yeah look, I’ve been pretty sloppy with the reposting lately. But I’ve had a bit on. Maybe this year will be different and I’ll actually get up to date – stay tuned!

I’m taking a little holiday. 

I’ve always found that having time off over the Christmas and New Year’s period never leaves you feeling all that refreshed. There’s so much rushing about and frantic prepping and it’s all a bit full on. It’s weirdly hectic for a celebration that bangs on so much about peace on Earth, and it can make you a bit frazzled. 

So I worked all the way through that period*.

* I also worked all the way through that period because good heavens was I not up for being around happy families and happy couples and happy people in general back then. And even though I was thoroughly depressed, I didn’t want to ruin it for everyone else with my sad sack vibes.  

I mean, I obviously had a few days off here and there. For example, I celebrated Boxing Day by watching most of the first season of Emily in Paris* (it was glorious trash and I’m saving the second season for when I inevitably get COVID and have to isolate for week). 

* See, I told you I was depressed!

I decided to instead take my time off at the beginning of this year, which just so happens to coincide with my 30^th birthday. 

I told my boss it was important I take this time off because it was my Saturn Return, which was cloaked in sarcasm but also had some earnestness to it. In a nutshell, Saturn Return is when Saturn, after a 29.5ish year orbit around the Sun, returns to the position it was in when you were born. You get one at around 30, 60 and 90 and the astrologists out there say it’s a time of great transformation. Of course, there’s a lot of social and practical aspects about those ages which means they coincide with big life changes, but the astrologists’ explanation gives you a free pass to be hedonistic and throw your life into chaos, so I’m going to lean into that a bit. 

And when I’m going full “it’s my Saturn Return, babes!” I can’t be trusted to submit a column on time. The invisible forces of the planets won’t let me, or something. 

So I’ve decided to plan ahead by preparing a few little pieces before I let the universe take me. 

And you be better believe they’re recipes. 

I actually have recently been reposting some of my columns from last year and have just come to the end of my very, very, grim comfort food series*. And I can assure you that we shan’t be going back down that road again. Ooof. 

* Yep, it was worse. There were some really, really grim recipes/cries for help. Some were kind of wholesome like Tiger Toast, but others were just sad, like the muffin with spaghetti from a tin marketed as being “for one”.

While I was cooking these things during some of the dark times of last year, they’re being relayed to you now through a happier filter. And, sure, this first one is a little on the mundane side, but I think it shows progress of some kind. 

One-handed egg

This is something I’ve been making myself for breakfast, but it’s entirely dependant on me having leftover parsley and those tortillas in the green and red bags that look real authentic (I usually buy them in bulk because they’re my means of making my barbecues seem fancy – I’ll come to that in a later recipe). 

I used to be a strict two-boiled-eggs-with-a-handful-of-microwaved-spinach kind of girl, only having toast on weekends. As much as I actually love boiled eggs, having that day in, day out is no way to live. And after the last two years, we want to live, not merely survive! Carpe diem, and whatnot! 

So here’s how I carpe a diem via breakfast. 

I gently heat a bit of garlic infused oil (bought after watching Nigella Lawson use it so much) in a frypan – I’m talking the lowest of the low settings – with a pinch of chilli flakes. Slice five or six cherry tomatoes and put them cut-side down into the pan. Flip them after a few minutes, once they start to get a bit of a char to them. More them to one side of the pan and crack one egg into the remaining oil (but tip in more if those greedy tomatoes took it all). Sprinkle another pinch of chilli flakesinto the gloopy egg – I usually break the yolk to spread the chilli flakes around evenly, but I totally understand if you’re a runny yolker joker. 

Once the egg is cooked, lift it out of the frypan and put a medium sized soft flour tortilla in its place. Then rest the egg on top of its bready mattress. After 30 seconds to a minute, take the tortilla out, put it on a plate, sprinkle with salt and top with a small handful of torn flat parsley leaves. Dump the tomatoes on the side. Roll up the tortilla like a fat cigar and hold with one hand then grab a fork for the tomatoes with the other. Eat greedily, congratulating yourself for truly living life to the full… all because you had carbs for breakfast on a weekday.