Originally published by The Clifton Courier, August 18, 2021

I’ve been wearing a mask a lot lately*.

Yeah, look, this was written a couple of waves ago, back when masks were more of an optional thing and masks were still a bit of a novelty.

Of course, I’m talking about a literal mask one straps to their face to cover their nose and mouth, and not the figurative mask that we all wear to hide the horrors of our true selves from wider society. 

However, this mask does help with that, in some respects. 

For example, if you’re wearing sunglasses and a face mask, you can cry in public virtually undetected. And all that cry-snot that comes out of your nose can flow freely, because it’s all caught by the mask. I mean, you do have to keep your sobs to a minimum to avoid drawing attention to yourself and you do have to eventually wrap it up because otherwise too much cry-snot builds up in the mask and you’re at risk of drowning while on a moving train – but between silent sniffs, you can enjoy the complete freedom of a public breakdown. 

However, despite what that previous anecdote would suggest, I’m generally a pretty smiley person.

Call it small town charm, call it performative politeness, call it being desperate for human connection (which, might I just add, is far from being something to be ashamed of. I mean out of all the things a person can be desperate for, a yearning for love and connection is the most natural and rational and I think it’s really strange that we use the term “desperate” as an insult in this context because no matter how much we pretend otherwise, people need other people) – but I’ve always been the kind of person who smiles at people as I pass them on the street. 

Obviously pick my moments, because in big city settings it’s very difficult to turn and lock eyes with everyone who passes. I feel like it would give me a neck injury. 

But when you’re wearing a mask, the action of facing someone and shooting them a smile hits different. Especially if you’re wearing sunnies. 

Because instead of them seeing that you’re making eye contact and smiling, all the other person sees is you turning your head toward them, devoid of emotion. 

Because the mask hides not only the smile, but the movements of the cheeks that comes with a smile. And the sunglasses cover the crinkling of your eye skin that  suggests you’ve just cracked a big old grin. Not only that, the sunnies also hide where your eyes are focusing, so the other person doesn’t know if you’re trying to make eye contact or if you’re boring into their jugular. 

It doesn’t look like a friendly gesture, it looks like you’re staring them down. And depending on how long you hold the gaze, the other person would have every reason to expect you to start barking at them.

This, of course, is the opposite of what I’m aiming for. 

A friend from work told me about going with an AusLan sign, which is where you outstretch your index finger and your thumb, holding it up in front of your mouth as a proxy smile. Another method might be just a casual little flick of the hand as a wave, or possibly bringing back the hat dip, popular with dapper gentlemen of centuries past. 

But often my hands are full or I’m wearing a cap that’s so tight on my head I can’t lift it. And I’m far too awkward to be able to pull off a cool wave without fumbling it into something that looks like I’m flagging down strangers for help. 

So I’ve devised a simple hands-free, no awkwardness alternative: a short, sharp nod. 

I mean, don’t make it too short and sharp, because you don’t want to make it look like you’re a spy about to drop off an anonymous briefcase. 

Just tilt your head slightly to one side, dip your head and come back up again. 

I’ve had a very high hit rate of getting a hello nod in return. I haven’t conducted any surveys or anything, but people seem to love it. 

I mean, the nod greeting far from new, however, it probably isn’t the standard for everyone. But even if the other person isn’t in on the nod greeting scheme to begin with, you’ll soon convert them. 

I think it’s because humans tend to mirror each other subconsciously. I’m generalising here, but there’s something about our innate need for connection that drives us to do this. Plus, in a time when lockdowns and social distancing forces us all to be more socially secluded and insular, I think a lot of us could do with a bit more human interaction.

Either that, or there are just a lot of spies running around, waiting to pick up briefcases.