Originally published by The Clifton Courier, July 20, 2020

Ok, so if last week’s column didn’t make me seem like an… interesting person to live with*, this one might make that clear.

* I mean, I’m not always Housemate of the Week, but I AM technically always Tenant of the Week… because my housemates are also my landlords and  I’m their only tenant. 

I was talking/ranting about the volume numbers on TVs and radios and other things of that digital nature. Basically, the number HAD to be either a multiple of five or an even number.

And, look, I thought there was a bunch of other people who think like that, but now that I’m thinking about it, the only people I know who do that too are very closely connected with my family. This makes me think that perhaps my family has infiltrated their brain to influence their behaviour. I remember having this conversation with a friend about why she did it and she was like “oh, because you girls do it”. It’s obviously quite concerning that we could have that much influence, but also interesting that if we had such influence, this is how we chose to wield that power.

Anyway, there’s a few other related behaviours that I’ve noticed I engage in which might fall under this “it sounds like it’s not a big deal but it actually is a big deal, thank you very much” umbrella.

Clearing the time off the microwave clock once you remove your food: Failing to do this just seems quite reckless to me. Say you put something in the microwave for a minute but take it out after 46 seconds. You’re left with 14 seconds on the clock. It looks like that microwave has unfinished business. It looks like you’ve removed your item from the microwave prematurely for stirring purposes and you intend to put it back in for the remaining 14 seconds. But you don’t. You’re done with the microwave. But you don’t let it know. You just leave it there, with 14 seconds to go. I mean, isn’t that hurtful and confusing for the microwave? And what about the next person who comes to use the microwave? They have to clean up your digital clock mess. I mean, they either have to wipe those remaining 14 seconds or add them to their total cooking time. No. I think once you’ve finished with the microwave, you close the loop, clear the clock and let everyone move on with their lives.

The toilet lid must always be down: I’ve spoken about this before and I will speak about it again, but you gotta contain the filth of a toilet by shutting the lid when you flush. I’m going to introduce you to something which you might wish you’ve never heard of: toilet plume. It’s a term that describes the invisible vortex of particles that shoots up into the air when a toilet is flushed. And because there’s a whole lot of… yuck that goes into the toilet, it’s pretty sickening to imagine tiny particles of that yuck spewing out of the dunny inside this plume of air. This is especially horrifying if the toilet is in the same room as the bathroom, and you picture the yuck particles landing surfaces throughout the room. I mean, that means your innocent toothbrush could be sitting on the sink minding its own business and be hit with an invisible wave of yuck. I know shutting the lid is an extra step in an already laborious process, but I think the two seconds it takes to shut the lid is absolutely worth it.

You have to wash up as you go: This isn’t so much about being anal, it’s about avoiding work later on. I mean, I really don’t enjoy washing up. I will significantly alter my methods to avoid creating more washing up. But I know that dirty dishes are unavoidable. So I make a real effort to clean things as I go when I’m cooking a meal. Because once I sit down and tuck into a bowl of yum, I want to be able to fully relax. I don’t want to have the knowledge that there’s a sink full of washing up waiting for me once my eating is done. I want to be able to forget that dirty dishes are a fact of life and that we’re all on a never ending cycle of preparing food and cleaning up for all eternity. So I do tend to take over the whole kitchen when I cook and will clean any dishes in sight while waiting for my food to cook, which can come off as quite passive aggressive when your housemates’ dishes are in the mix. Thankfully, they’re well-versed in my quirks and, as far as I know, don’t take it personally. They also haven’t asked me to move out yet, so I think I’m justified in saying that I “seem like an… interesting person to live with” as opposed to “seem like a nightmare to live with”.