Originally published by The Clifton Courier, July 8, 2020

Ok, I’ve got another extremely irrelevant, trivial hot take that nobody asked for, so prepare to roll your eyes.

I’m getting real tired of all the negativity surrounding high mileage on cars.

Yep, I’m aware of how dumb that sounds. But hear me out.

I know that a lot of Ks on the clock means the car is old. And old isn’t as good as new. It means the parts aren’t all whizbang, shiny and working perfectly. It’s generally safe to say that a car that’s clocked up a hecktonne of Ks probably isn’t running as smoothly as a brand new car. And, look, you want a car to be safe on the road so you’re going to avoid driving a rattly old death trap if you can.

Those are logical points. And I get that.

But aren’t cars supposed to travel long distances? Isn’t that the whole point of them; to transport humans to places that are too far for humans to travel on foot? Like, are you going to drive a 100,000km and then just chuck your car away?

I’m no automobile expert (in case that wasn’t already made clear by my ill-informed hot take) but I feel like cars are supposed to go further than up to the shops and back. So shouldn’t the fact that a vehicle has covered a lot of ground and can still function be something to be respected? Revered, even?

It’s like society’s obsession with youth, but in automotive form. I mean, there’s some aspects about aging that doesn’t look like the most fun you’ll ever have in the world. But, geez, being alive for a long time is pretty impressive.

If you could chose between an older and a newer model, the newer one would, in most cases, be a logical choice. In an older model there’s a lot more wear and tear when it comes to things under the hood – just to be clear, I’ve switched back to talking about cars here, I’m no longer talking about people. The upholstery has a bit of a musty smell to it. The paint’s a bit faded.

And, yes, these things aren’t features you look for when buying a new car.

I mean, no one’s ticking the “mysterious sweat stains on the seats” box when filtering through used cars online. And you’re not going to go into a dealership asking only to see cars with faded stickers sprouting slogans you don’t agree with on their bumpers.

But you can slap newer stickers over the top of those old ones with improvised, hand-written slogans such as “Love it or… help make it a nicer place for everyone and try making some new friends instead of being a cranky pants who complains all the time”.  You can steam clean the seats. And you can just ignore the paint issue because it’s just paint on the outside of an item that’s supposed to safely carry you over tough terrain and, so, of course it’s going to get a little sun bleached (this is where I drop another hot take about washing the exterior of a car being a futile waste of my time and resources. My thinking is that because cars are supposed to be outside and outside is a place where dirt is, there’s no use pretending my outdoor car hasn’t been exposed to dirt. And in my head can hear my brother in law disagreeing with me, pointing out the rust-creating nature of salty sea water and the safety issues of baked on dust on windows and, yes, the brother-in-law who apparently has a presence in my head makes a good point, but to him I say that the closest I get to any hard core driving is listening to the greatest hits of Metallica as I drive to work).

I know you should look for a car with low mileage and, if I ever buy a new car, I’d probably go for one with lower Ks on the clock, but I wouldn’t want to become the embodiment of a low-mileage car. Because the human form of a low-mileage car would be kind of boring. What kind of stories are they going to be able to tell over a schooey? Are they going to be able to tell you how much the fine is for keeping rabbits in Queensland because they’ve driven past the warning signs at the border so many times? Will they be impressed that you were able to hold in a wee from Guyra to Clifton? How many conversations have they had with themselves in the dead of night on a straight, flat highway to try to distract themselves from a ghost story they just remembered? I mean, that’s character building stuff, the time spent on the open road.

You could say that I don’t know a lot about cars. You could say that this perspective has something to do with me confronting the fact that I’m getting older. You might even say that I’m forming this view because I’m terrified of my own impending obsoletism and need to make some kind of justification to help me sleep at night.

And, look, you’re not wrong.