Originally published by The Clifton Courier, June 1, 2020

We’ve all got fears and phobias.

I am not a fan of heights. Well, more accurately, I don’t like the idea of my soft, fleshy body falling from a great height. I’m scared of most things that have the potential to cause me grievous bodily harm.

And, when you think about it, there’s actually a lot of things in this world that could possibly maim me in some ghastly way. Boiling water from the kettle. A dodgy gas line. Irons. Cars. The oven. All the crows and magpies in my neighbourhood who haven’t yet realised that, if they coordinated their efforts to overpower me, they could pick away at my flesh until there was nothing left of me.

But that’s not really what I think about (I mean, except for the bird thing) on a day-to-day basis. I boil the kettle without fear. I casually drive off in my car. I avoid the iron but only because I can’t be bothered and I can get away with not wearing crisply-ironed shirts to work. It’s all very mindless.

I don’t think about the actual harm these things would do; instead, the things that take up my brain space are the fears about small inconveniences I’d have to endure as a consequence of my mindlessness. They’re far from horrific but they’re not things I would desire to happen.

Here’s some of the mild fears I think about on a regular basis:

Driving to work with my prescription sunglasses on and forgetting to bring my inside glasses with me: I can see some things without my glasses, I don’t think it’d be able to sit at my desk and be productive without those blessed lenses. So I’d be sitting there at work with a pair of sunnies on, like I was trying to hide my bloodshot eyes from the people I work with. I don’t want to have to put up a sign that reads: “I don’t think I’m cooler than you. On the contrary, I’ve left my inside glasses at home and am doomed to look through the shadows all day”.

Being out and not having a spare hair tie on my wrist: I usually have two on the go, but at the moment I only have one. It’s a little risky because if I blow my hairtie, I will have nothing to hold my hair off my face – which is especially necessary when it comes to eating, concentrating, engaging in any kind of physical activity, existing in a windy area or just generally being alive. Sometimes I try to think about what I would if I ended up in situation where I was without a way to tie my hair back and I have to stop because it’s too confronting.

Running out of milk for my tea: Look, I know I can just duck over to the shops to get more milk, but I don’t want to be caught without that cow juice when I really need a cup of tea and I’m in a vulnerable state. What it it’s cold? What if it’s late and I’ve already showered? What if I’m feeling like a bit of a sooky la la? I don’t want to have to put on shoes and go into a shop in those circumstances, but I also don’t want to have to go without a cup of tea.