I was watching Seinfeld the other day and was struck by a few things.

The first thing I need to point out is that, nah, I wasn’t really every that much of a Seinfeld person growing up. In fact, I was actively anti-Seinfeld. To me, it was that show that got in the way of my preferred viewing. It was a signal that The Simpsons Hour was over and that I’d made a grave error in the scheduling of my evening.

I mean, I wasn’t that much of a Friends person either, but I was more inclined to watch Friends than Seinfeld – possibly because my friends used to watch it, possible because Friends had three girls on it instead of one. I mean, TBH, that probably had a lot to do with it because, having only seen a few episodes of Seinfeld, it comes off as a show that was written with a male audience in mind. However, I’ll give it props for boldly declaring the women do, indeed, enjoy a good wank. This was before Sex and the City told us we could have a high-powered career, orgasms  AND cupcakes, mind you.

Anyway, there was one episode of Seinfeld I saw not long ago which made me think.

Jerry was talking to George (who is probably a very nice guy but I’ll never be able to not see him as the scummy lawyer hanger-onner who tried to rape Vivian in Pretty Woman) about George’s relationship, trying to determine whether the woman he was spending a lot of time with was his girlfriend or just a woman sleeping with – a marvellous 90s term for casual hookups that we might need to bring back.

Like, we don’t say “she SLEPT with him” anymore. We just say that people banged. And we don’t really say anyone’s been “sleeping around”, which a good thing in a lot of ways because good for effing you if you’re going out there fulfilling your sexual appetite in a healthy way. I mean, if that’s what you want to do and you’re not deceiving anyone into thinking you want anything more and you’re being responsible with your sexual health, bloody good onya Sonya. However, I just like the phrasing of “sleeping around”. It has a vague glamour to it, reminiscent of the Nora Ephron vision of Meg Ryan which, as a bookish middle class white girl, is the epitome of all things feminine. It just sounds like a really grown up, I-drink-wine-and-wear-beige-without-being-boring way of referring to sex. It’s rooting around, but more sophisticated, you know?

Anyway, that wasn’t even my point.

My point was that Jerry asked the other guy how often him and this woman were talking on the phone. Like, not just calling to arrange plans, but the old playing-with-the-phone-cord-in-your-fingers, lying-on-your-belly-on-the-bed, long-winded conversations.

And that’s a whole element of relationships that, in a lot of cases, just isn’t a thing anymore.

Like, we’re not having hours-long conversations with each other on the telephone anymore. We’re either hanging out together face-to-face or sending each other memes via social media apps. And you have to wonder how that changes the structure of relationships. If nothing else, it means there’s no more of this “no you hang up” which is met with the inevitable “no YOU hang up”.

I mean, this isn’t anything new; the evolution of technology has been gradually shaping our style and frequency of communication for years, but just watching it on a 30-year-old sitcom from the comfort of a slightly-broken couch in 2020 made me realise how different things are now.

Like, how rich of a form of communication is meme sharing as opposed to talking on the phone? It’s pretty obvious that communication where there’s immediate feedback is better, so you’d assume talking on the phone is better than meme sharing. Especially because you can hear someone’s tone of voice and genuine laughter during a phone call. But you can also be pretty immediate in your response via social media and you can keep that conversation going longer than you ever would on the phone. Like, you can’t have phone calls with your significant other at work, but you’re able to continue the banter via social media when you run down to grab a coffee or, let’s be honest, when you’re sitting on the toilet.

And, if you’ve got your fix of rich, immediate feedback conversation from a phone call, will the pull to see someone face to face be as immediate? Like, do we see each other more now that we don’t chat over the phone? And what about skin hunger? (“Skin hunger”, by the way, is a term I read an actual psychologist use to describe the need we have for human touch. I like the way the way they chose that term instead of going with something less unhinged and serial-killer-y.)

I don’t mean to get all Carrie Bradshaw on you, but I can’t help but wonder if memes are not modern-day love notes. Like, there’s no poetry, but the intent of “I found this and I wanted to share it with you because think you’ll find this amusing” suggests an element of thoughtfulness. Sure, the medium might be the message, but when it comes to courting, this message can be more than the meme. And because the medium allows for more of these confirmations that someone’s thinking of you to be sent at any time of the day, is an influx of memes a better indicator of affection than a single scented letter?