Originally published by The Clifton Courier, October 9 , 2019

Last week I told you about the time I was approached to be in the street style section of a genuine – albeit local – magazine.

As you may recall, the experience put me in a bit of a flap.

Although it was nearly two weeks ago, I’m still ruminating on the experience. I mean, of course I am – it will give me fodder for late night regret sessions for decades to come.

In perhaps one of the most on-brand moves I could make, I’ve made the experience into not just one rambling rant I demand others read, but two. This time, I’ve gone back and thought about what I could have said during the fleeting interview.

I’ve decided to catalogue my outfit choices coming up with the cool, chic quotes I would give to the magazine about that particular item and, because I have a compulsion to overshare, the slightly less glamorous truth about it.

Please enjoy seeing me through the lens as a legitimate, fashion icon.

A pair of brown cork-soled sandals:

Magazine copy speak: “They’re made in Spain and I had to order them online because there’s very few stockists here in Australia.”

The inside scoop: I only knew about these because a few of my more fashionable friends had similar pairs and said they were super comfortable. I’m a bit of a stomper; my steps are only delicate when I’m walking on floorboards after arriving home late and trying to not to give my housemates the impression that a hippo is robbing their house. I like to think that I step with purpose (in fact, I have a signature thong flicking step rhythm that helps my sister locate me after losing me in large warehouse shops) and that puts a lot of pressure on your ankles and arches. I needed something to be kind to them.

My bright yellow skirt I bought from an op shop:

Magazine copy speak: This is a vintage skirt I bought from a charity shop a few years ago. I was drawn to its colour and love the subtle tailoring.

The inside scoop: I tend to frequent op shops because it’s cheap and, because it’s unlikely someone else will find the exact same items as me, allows me to pretend that I’m an individual when I’m merely conforming to the I-have-personality-and-I’m-going-to-express-it-though-second-hand-wear-and-obnoxious-earrings mould. Also, I have proportions that were much better catered to by brands like Katies and Millers 15 years ago.

My Sunflowers shirt:

Magazine copy speak: “I bought this from a little stall in Amsterdam after losing myself in the Van Gogh museum for three-and-a-half hours.”

The inside scoop: I saw an impossibly cool girl wearing one of these shirts and wanted to copy her choice to wear a copy of a work of art on her body through the magic of modern day printing processes. They didn’t have the particular shirt I wanted in the museum gift shop, which would have been too overpriced anyway, so we went to a street merchant nearby.

Earrings in the shape of bees with large green gem things dangling out their rear ends

Magazine copy speak: “A very talented friend of mine made these as a custom order for me.”

The inside scoop: If I put on statement earrings, everything looks much more purposeful instead of being chucked on at the last minute. Plus, statement earrings are a much easier way to get a self-esteem boost than actually building on your self worth and shaping yourself into someone worth knowing.

A brown leather handbag

Magazine copy speak: “I was coveting this bag for months and spied it in a store in Germany. I just had to treat myself.”

The inside scoop: I needed a bag that could hold my lunch, snow peas, office socks, spare office socks, diary, a spare notebook, a deck of cards, several out-of-date medications, teabags swiped from fancy breakfast buffets, tissues and several grams of nondescript filth without the world knowing what I was packing. An opaque leather sack seemed like the most socially acceptable way to lug that around at all times.