Originally published by The Clifton Courier on May 29, 2019

The clutter you keep in your car is a special kind of clutter.

It’s not like the stuff shoved into a bottom drawer because you don’t really have anywhere else to put it, it’s the things you collect along your journey.

It’s the stuff you carry with you when you leave your home base. And that makes the clutter more than a jumble of items, but an inventory of supplies. You may never need to draw on those supplies, but preparedness is the difference between a day out and disaster.

So when you clean out your car, the decision to either dump something or keep it in your stores is a decision that requires a lot of hypothetical thinking. You must consider the possible scenarios you could find yourself in and whether that item will assist you.

Of course, when you have an overactive imagination and a tendency to worry, this means a lot of items are put in the “keep” category, such as:

A small portion of All Bran: As much as I love bran in all its forms – with and without sultanas – this wasn’t put there on purpose. I don’t have such a compulsive need to chow down on high-fibre cereal that I need to keep a secret stash of bran in the various crevices of my life. I’d left it at my parents’ place and my mother, who seems to only take her bran with sultanas, didn’t need it cluttering the pantry. She’d bundled it up with a few bits and pieces I’d left at the Maguire Manor for me to take to my actual home. I’d crammed everything into the glove box and completely forgot about it. Now whenever I open the glove box and see the bran, I can’t bring myself to take it inside. What if I find myself stuck on the side of the road for hours with no sustenance? What if I stay at a mate’s place and their breakfast options lack significant fibre? I can’t take those kinds of risks. So the bran stays.

A clean pair of undies: Again, these were originally in the car because they were included in Mum’s care package/bundle of crap I’d left at her house (the amazing thing about leaving clothes behind at my parents place is that they miraculously turn up freshly laundered). I reason that it’s extremely practical to always be packing spare knickers. This is not a reflection of my driving abilities – I am proud to say that no one has ever soiled themself while I was at the wheel. However, I like to always be ready in case of spontaneous slumber parties (I’d think nothing of borrowing a friend’s pyjamas, but sharing knickers crosses a line) or having to skip town at a moment’s notice after making some powerful enemies in a high-stakes game of poker. It would be ideal to have fresh undies in either scenario.

A free singlet I got for participating in a work fun run: Because if I end up in the middle of nowhere having starved to death after finishing all the bran, I want to impress whoever finds me by showing them how active my withered body once was.

A quarter of a carton of stubbies: Because you should never turn up to a party empty handed and you just never know when a mid-week morning tea will turn into a party.

Several supermarket green bags: I really only need one but I keep forgetting to bring them into the shops with me and end up buying more.

Two eskies: I have a big one and a little one, meaning I’m covered if I spontaneously purchase a ham and, on the same outing, pick up a bunch of prawns from the trawlers. Clearly, this is an aspirational thing. They say you should dress for the job you want to have, so I’m hoping the “cart around enough insulated boxes for lavish diet you one day hope to exist on” also applies.

A pair of bold, angled hoop earrings: I think I’ve established that most of the items in my car are kept there for emergency purposes and these earrings are no exception. If you’re dressed like an absolute bag of human excrement and find yourself needing to look somewhat polished, statement earrings will change everything. A pair of statement earrings will make it look as if you chose your outfit with purpose, rather than chucking on whatever was comfiest. Always keep emergency statement earrings handy.