I’ve done lazy recipes before, but this may be the laziest.

This concoction is, as the title suggests, a low-effort, warming dessert perfect for filling your tum to distract you from the unfillable void in your soul.

It’s three simple ingredients: frozen raspberries, Greek yoghurt and sturdy oats. And it only requires three pieces of equipment for both preparation and serving. You’ll need a cup/mug/non-metallic chalice/bowl, a spoon and a microwave.

Yep, not food processor here. This is Sunday evening snackery at it’s laziest (well, besides just opening a packet of Digestives, which I highly recommend).

Here’s the process:

Get your raspberries out of the freezer. Yes, they do have to have first been frozen. I know fresh raspberries look great in your shopping basket. They look great in the fridge. They look great on a kitchen island. But this isn’t the time to be fancy with your fresh produce like you have all the perks of living in an unrealistically clean but rustic farmhouse without the realities of crippling uncertainty and mud. No, you need the raspberries to have come from a packet in the freezer aisle of a supermarket.

Now, bung them into the vessel of your choice and zap them in the microwave. There’s something about the transition of going from frozen to nuked in a radioactive box that completely fucks up the raspberries, causing them to have a complete breakdown at a cellular level. It all becomes too much that they just totally lose all sense of self and fall apart into a jammy mess.

Tonight, I grabbed about a handful of frozen rasps and microwaved them in the kind of glass tumbler you’d expect to see a spoiled American girl on a teen movie take one sip of freshly-squeezed orange juice out of before skipping breakfast, running out the door and getting tangled in a series of events that changes her whole outlook on life as a popular girl. The berries were on for about one-and-a-half minutes, with a wee bit of stirring in between. Here’s a washing-up-saving tip: stir with the wrong end of the spoon, so you can use the same spoon to dish out your yoghurt later without the risk of cross-contamination.

The next thing you’re going to want to do is grab a small handful of oats and chuck them into the hot, sticky raspberry victims in a manner similar to throwing confetti at your former fling after their wedding, which they conveniently didn’t tell you about until after you gave them a wristy but before they returned the favour (OK, no one is allowed to steal this for the movie script they’re working on, I just came up with it then and it’s my idea).

The whole idea is that the oats will soak up the raspberry’s tortured essence, acting as an instant, albeit slightly soggy, crumble.

Next dollop on a big of yoghurt, to cool the raspberry goo to the point that it won’t burn the arse out of your tongue.

Serve immediately… to yourself.