I’ve been super productive today and feel like bragging about it. So, instead of simply reposting the column from last week’s paper, I wrote up a triple-whammy Three Things post about how busy I’ve been. Technically, this post is a Nine Things, but there’s no way I’m making that a genre because there’s no way I’d be able to sustain it.

Three things I’ve done today that has been on my to-do list for a while:

Went grocery shopping: I’d gotten down to just eggs, bread and my emergency cheese platter supplies. For the past few days I’ve eaten nothing but eggs on toast, pancetta straight out of the packet and goat’s cheese sandwiches. And, look, it was pretty divine. But I’d eaten basically no vegetables in that time and the only fruit I had consumed was quince paste.

I had to act.

Posted a photo of some forgotten chicken sandwiches on Instagram: I saw this terribly sad sight while I was out walking last week. Two lovingly-prepared sandwiches laying in the gutter, spoiled by the hot Brisbane sun. It was pretty hard to see. I could guess from the coating of the chicken strips that these weren’t just any chicken strips, they were salt and vinegar chicken strips. From the way they were positioned, I could tell they had fallen out of someone’s vehicle before the unwitting worker headed off for the day. To add insult to injury, the sandwiches were made using soft bread rolls.

There was nothing I could do – it was after 5pm and they’d clearly been there all day. There was no point knocking on the nearest homeowner’s door, the sandwiches would have to be discarded, but there were no bins in sight. I took a photo of them then decided that, as a sensitive street photographer, I should leave the subject where it lay, knowing the unfortunate worker would return home to see their abandoned lunch (and, probably, fall to their knees and sob on the lawn).

I had planned to post the photo on Instagram, cashing in on the misery of another person to boost my social capital, but I’d forgotten all about it by the end of my walk.

When I saw the photo while scrolling through my camera roll a few days later, I was reminded of my missed opportunity to show everyone on social media how funny I was, so I made a mental note to post it when I needed a little self esteem booster.

Got rid of my dying birthday flowers: I bloody love bunches of flowers, but there are few things that remind of your ever-aging mortal vessel and the never ending march of time quite like the sight of decaying flowers that were fresh not a week ago.

I ended up buying a tiny cheap bunch from the supermarket and blended them with the filler flowers from the old bunch that still looked  quite alright dried and crispy. I figure that buys me at least of week of being able to marvel at how pretty the flowers are, thus distracting me from my inevitable decline.

Things I’ve done today that weren’t on my to-do list:

Washed my sheets: These bastards definitely needed washing – there were breadcrumbs and twig fragments and unidentified granules in there. And I’ve been sleeping on them for about a fortnight in the muggy Brisbane heat. My whole body skin becomes like armpit skin in this weather, which means these sheets cocooned a human sack of stink for many nights. And, yet, washing my sheets wasn’t on my to-do list? I’m disgusted in myself.

Bought one kilo of goji berries: Why would this ever be on someone’s to-do list? I’m really not sure what happened when I was at the supermarket, I just saw this bulk package of dried berries for what I deemed a reasonable price and was like “I’m getting paid tomorrow, I can treat myself”. Umm, excuse me, but who the shit treats themselves to one kilo of goji? Who needs that? I’ve already invited my housemates to go to town on them, but I can tell that I’m going to be lugging them around to each new place I move to, slowly trying to use them up as the years go by.  I’m probably going to start handing them out to house guests as wellness-inspired party bags. Thankfully, I still have the paper nugget packets I was given that time I won 18 kilos of dino nuggs, so I’ll hand them out in those.

Put out my fancy decanter glasses in the glassware cabinet: Yep, we have a glassware cabinet. It’s built into the kitchen, which already has a surplus of storage, so my housemates decided to display their wine glasses. I have a few nice glasses I was given by my sisters for my 21^st birthday, which have been sitting in a box for years. But today I decided to live for the now, carpe-ing the diem by making fancy glasses easily accessible. I believe they’re meant for whiskey and what have you, but I can see myself fixing a stiff glass of milk on the rocks in them after a tough day at the office.

Things that are still on my to-do list:

Finish the vodka that comes in a skull-shaped bottle: I really want to use it as vase, but I rarely drink at home. Perhaps I should start.

Complete my birthday crossword scratchies: I’m just waiting for the right moment, when I truly feel like scratching a scratchie. I don’t know when that feeling will hit me, but I’m going to be ready for it.

Christmas shopping: My family is doing FebMas (also known at PretendMas and FakeMas) this year, meaning we’re having Christmas in February because it was the only time we could get everyone together. I’ve got a lot to buy.