Life hack: If you buy two pizzas, the people who work at the pizza place won’t know that you’re going to eat a whole pizza to yourself alone while watching three hours of a show featuring Nicole Richie.

Life hack: Watch three hours of Great News(featuring Nicole Ritchie) instead of doing anything productive because you’re too hungover to move and really, really can’t be alone with your own thoughts. The show has enough colours and zingers to fill the void where your heart should be.

Life hack: Go grocery shopping after you go to the gym, as you’re less likely to buy junkfood because you’ve just experience how fucking hard it is to work of the equivalent to a single Tim Tam and you don’t want that to be for nothing… also because you don’t have a car and the gym is in the same building as the grocery store, which means you don’t have to make two trips.

Life hack: Have a father who personifies the regional Queensland bloke stereotype but with enough heart and personality quirks to be the likeable kind (because we all know at least one Unlikeable Stereotypical Queensland Bloke and they ain’t great). Be sure to post pictures of him on Instagram with wordy captions for a cheeky dopamine boost before bed.

Life hack: Always keep butter in the house. This is probably more of a life commandment than a life hack, but I think it’s important. If you have butter, you always at least have a delicious, buttery piece of toast to turn to. And, if you keep a decent stock of the dairy delight, you are always eight minutes away from having a whole batch of raw pie crust dough you can eat straight from the bowl with a spoon.

Life hack: Brush out the knots and hair clumped together with dried beer out of your mane before you shampoo and condition, so it’s easier to brush your hair after your shower, so you can emerge from the bathroom as if you’ve rinsed off all your problems.

Life hack: Write down appointments and activities in your diary, colour-coding them into: work, bills, health/exercise and fun/social activities.  Even write down the phone conversations you had that lasted longer than five minutes, highlighting them in the “fun” colour. That way, your weekly call with your grandmother can be classed as a “fun/social” event and makes you look like you’re a woman in demand.

Life hack: Put your face over a freshly-boiled kettle while your tea steeps. I know I’ve covered this before, but it’s a really, really good one. I mean, not only does taking the time of steam your face mean your tea will steep for longer, resulting in a stronger, more satisfying brew, but it keeps your skin form being as terrible as it could be. I mean, I actually have reasonably manageable skin but, when you become a wine-drinking adult, you need to take special care of your body’s natural Glad Wrap. And, because I drink a fair bit of tea, it means my skin’s gettin’ a good steamin’ a couple times a day.

Life hack:Always have the film clip of Beyoncé’s Formation open on a tab on your phone’s internet browser, so you can be reminded that you’re a strong, fierce woman at any given time.