It’s a very special day today.

No, it’s not just the day I changed my sheets after an ungodly amount of time, it’s National Potato Day.

I was informed of the occasion by an email from a food delivery service encouraging me to order all kinds of potato-based treats: chippies, wedges and waffle fries. I must say, it was an alluring email. I adore potato in all its forms. And I love having food arrive at my door.

This email was a slam-dunk from the marketing team.

However, I’m also living in Sydney and direct most of what I don’t spend on rent towards domestic flights so I can return to Queensland to restock enough love to get me through the long, NSW months. To cut a sad story short: I’m strapped for cash. And the biggest drain is ordering food to come to your house.

I mean, I love eating food and the convenience of having it come to your building and cry out for you to come down like the dreamboat you used to dream would call for you in the pouring rain when you were a teenager/young adult/in bed the other night.

But good golly is it expensive. And, I don’t want to diminish anyone in the hospitality industry, but it’s a terrible investment. I mean, tonight’s order of chippies is going to be tomorrow’s poo (depending on how effective your digestive system is).

So I decided to pick up some supplies on my way home today: two potatoes and a loaf of bread.

I will say that I rarely keep potatoes in the house. They’re like family-sized blocks of chocolate or $6 bottles of wine; they only get consumed. But today was a special occasion. I couldn’t just let this one slip by.

Potatoes just mean too much for me. I had to honour the day.

I decided the only way to celebrate such a sacred holiday would be to have a potato sandwich.

And, in the spirit of National Potato Day, I’ve decided to share my recipe for one of the best sandwiches humanity has ever known.

Step 1: Select a potato at the supermarket, opting for something about the size of your heart for poetic reasons.

Now, folklore suggests that one’s heart is the size of one’s fist, so perhaps that a good yardstick for the selection process. Alternatively, you could also go through a rigorous set of medical tests to determine the exact weight and proportions of your ticker. Up to you.

Step 2: Upon returning home, place said potato on the counter and take a moment to appreciate  what a gift this starchy vegetable is.

Step 3: Peel and wash your starchy idol, trying not to think of what it would feel like to have your skin flayed with a veggie peeler.

Step 4: Slice into large, irregularly-shaped chunks, using diagonal motions with your knife.

Step 5: Line a baking tray with aluminium foil and drizzle with olive oil. Yes, this might seem like a controversial move, particularly if you were raised in a strict Glad Bake household like I was. Foil was only for lining the griller try or, very occasionally, wrapping baked fish. Everything else was baking paper.

And maybe it’s just me rebelling from my strict upbringing, but I truly believe that foil makes the potato crispier and crunchier on the outside.

Maybe one day I will come crawling back to baking paper, but for now, I’m walking on the wild side and you can’t tell me what do anymore.

Step 6: Drizzle more olive oil over the potato, tossing gently and lovingly, with an expression on your face that is usually reserved for new, clean mothers bathing their newborns.

Step 7: Place in a moderate oven, about 200 degrees.

Step 8: Turn after about 15 minutes, depending on how big your chunks are.

Step 9: In about 10 minutes, the potatoes should be golden brown all over and look like chunks of heaven.

Step 10: Grab two slices of fresh bread and lavish with butter according to your tastes. If your tastes include using so much butter it looks like slices of Kraft cheese singles rather than a spread, so be it. This is a special occasion.

Step 11: Load up one slice of bread with the steaming potatoes, sprinkling with a pinch of salt.

Step 12:Take one last, loving look at the potatas before gently blanketing with the second layer of bread and butter.

Step 13: Take a bite and let your veins clog with the warming feeling of cholesterol and love.

Step 14: Glow, from the inside out.

Happy Potato Day, everyone!