I sit down to write this piece during an interesting moment in history. There’s revolution in the air. A movement is gaining momentum. The tides are turning.

Earlier today I was alerted to a news report by a friend: cob loaves are back, the headline suggested.

Back in fashion. Back in demand. Back on people’s coffee tables.

And I can’t say this extra publicity for the world’s favourite bready dip isn’t welcome. It’s important to spread the word and reach as many people as possible.

But at the same time, the cobloaf has never been out of fashion. It has been a part of my life, and the lives of many of my comrades for decades now.

I don’t write this to say, “I liked them before they were popular”, because that would be untrue. They’ve always been popular.

As a dip that brings people together, a cob is an essential addition to any gathering of people. It’s a vital ingredient to any family get together. Everyone dips from the same bready basket of cheesy wisdom. Its very nature promotes harmony and inclusivity. So, if we’re going to be honest, it’s fair to say that the cob is a crucial element to our very democracy.

Cobloaves have always been there.

And so, to honour this noble dip, I’m going to use this Sunday/Monday post to share my recipe.

What you need:

• A cob loaf – or any large singular bread roll from the bakery
• One large brown onion
• Five of six bacon rashers
• A knob of butter
• Olive oil
• A box of chopped, frozen spinach
• A tub of sour cream
• A tub of cream cheese
• Several reckless handfuls of grated cheese – a mix of mozzarella and tasty Bega will do
• A kind, noble heart

Step 1

Slice the top off the bread loaf – about one third of the way down from the top. You want to be able to fit as much cheesy love gunk as you can in this honeypot, so don’t cut too far down. If you do this, you will bring dishonour to your household.

You also want to keep the top part – think of it like a lid – in one piece. So don’t fuck that up either.

Step 2

Tear out the innards of the bread, as if ripping the gizzards from the gullets of your enemies. Try to tear the pieces into structurally sound, load bearing chunks. They should be thick enough to support the weight of the dip, but not so large that there’s only a handful of pieces.

Make sure you don’t rip too close to the edges –the last thing you want is a breach. Think like a water tank – have heavy duty, thick walls as the base, because that’s where the pressure is.

Step 3

Arrange the pieces of bread on a baking tray and toast them in a medium-heat oven. You can put the hollow loaf and top on a tray too, but I like to spend more time eating cob than I do washing up, so I just chuck the loaf and lid in on the grate.

There’s no hard and fast baking time for this part, because the level of toastiness one prefers for their bread is a deeply personal thing. I would never try to force my own beliefs about bread darkness on anyone. Just keep an eye on your bread and bring it out when it has reached your desired level of golden brown.

Step 4

Dice your whole onion, and cut the bacon into similar-sized chunks.

Step 5

In a medium-sized saucepan, tip a good, Jamie Oliver sized glug of olive oil and throw in the butter. Then pile in the onion and bacon. Sweat this down until the bacon starts to brown and the onion gets slightly crisp.

Step 6

Chuck in that spinach and sire it around until it melts.

Step 7

Dump in the sour cream and cream cheese. Enjoy the satisfaction that comes with being able to get it out of the tub all in one piece – if you can mange it. This feat of perfection and soulful serenity must be savoured. So drink it in. Maybe even light a post-coital cigarette.

Gently stir all the creamy goop together until it becomes one creamy universal force of love.

Step 8

Finish off this saucepan of delight by dumping in your grated cheese. I find that three big handfuls and then a few liberal sprinkles will do the trick.

I will say this, however: go easy on the mozzarella. Probs aim for a ratio of 1:3 with your grated block. If you have too much, the dip will be too stringy and make it difficult to get a clean break from the cob. Not that there’s anything wrong with that, but chose your company carefully if you go extra on the mozzarella because some people view wrapping mozzarella around their fingers to break away from the dip as uncouth. Actually, maybe try to avoid these people to being with. They aren’t worthy.

Step 9

Place the hollow, toasty loaf on a serving platter and arrange the bread pieces around it. Tip in the hot, cheesy mess from the saucepan.

Step 10

Eat until you no longer care about the worries of the world and transcend into a cosmic state of peace.

Bonus cob stories:

Cob yarn one: I made a cobloaf last night for a barbecue my housemate was having. There were dips. There were pretzels. There were plain flavoured (my favourite flavour) chips. Fark me, there was even halloumi.

But my addition to the table was by far the most anticipated.

I was queen of the barbecue.

Cob yarn two: On my 23^rd birthday, I was in Armidale and didn’t have too many mates around to celebrate the monumental moment in history when I was born. I also had to work. So I decided to bring the party to my desk in the only way that seemed appropriate: by making a birthday cob, with candles and everything.

I Instagrammed this, because my life is nothing if its not seeking the approval of my peers to justify my misery and reinforce my delusions of wit and relevance. I got 42 likes, which was pretty good for back then. By comparison, my graduation post (featuring my two degrees and a Hungry Jacks crew member of the month certificate) only fetched 40. But please feel free to scroll through my account and give me an extra like. Even though it was nearly three years ago, I could still use the self-esteem boost to lessen the deep emotional scarring from that dark, dank period of my life.

Weirdly, barely anyone wanted to break off the bits of bread and thrust them into my cheesy, oniony, bacony dip. So I ended up with my own personal cobloaf and one heck of a dinner that night.

It was excellent.