I know it’s a veeeeery late Monday night. And I know this is another quiz. But if it means anything, I lost $40 of wine over the weekend to a drunken lout knocked over my table, smashed my dreams and crushed my will to live.

So I’m a little fragile right now, ok?

What was the last…

Thing you bought with cash: A doughnut. It was in my favourite flavour: plain.

I don’t really care what those Nutella diets say, plain is the way to go. You don’t want too much choc on your doughnut. If you wanted to just eat chocolate, you’d buy chocolate. If you wanted to just eat Nutella, you’d buy a jar, sit at home and eat it in your underwear.

Same goes for chips. Salt is the only flavour that you really need. Maybe salt and vinegar if you’re feeling flamboyant. I had a chip from an unmarked bowl the other day and was appalled to find out it was sour cream and chives flavoured. That was a crunchy mouthful of disappointment. Why is that even a flavour?!

Investment piece you bought: Today. I bought a jumbo container of yoghurt.

I’m not at a stage in my life where I can buy “investment pieces” or comply with fanciful notions like “financial stability” or “security”. It’s best just to forget all my troubles with a big bowl of good quality yoghurt.

Party you went to: My mother’s 60^th. We ate steak. We wore party hats. We ate smarties. Perfect.

Beauty product you apply before bed: I’ve started using dry shampoo so I don’t have to wash my hair so much. But because my hair’s so thin, it gets greasy. So I spray the dry shampoo overnight to let it soak up all my head grease.

Piece of clothing you bought: A scarf. I needed it for neck warming purposes.

Song you played on rotation: The Gang of Youths’ Like a Version. I spent a lot of time on public transport – trains and planes – which meant a lot of time for staring out windows emotionally. I’m not even going to pretend that I didn’t cry on the train. I considered putting on sunnies to shade my tears but then I thought “fuck it, this is me” and let the world see my leaking emotions.

Thing you do to a model before sending her out on to a runway: I haven’t been in this position personally, but I like to think I would be something edge and empowering like “think goose”.

Text message you sent: It was a lengthy text about organising flights.

Book you read: Anthony Bordain’s something.

Photo you took on your phone: A photo of President Mobutu Sese Seko of Zaire wearing a leopard print hat. Well, it was a photo of that photo. The original picture was in a tweet about how old mate banned leopard hats except for his own.

Cocktail you drank: Espresso martini. I’m not a massive coffee fiend, but I love espresso martinis. And café patron.

Time you cried: Stepping on the plane out of Sydney. Just a single tear.

Vacation you took: I have reached a point where I’m holidaying in Toowoomba. I don’t understand how I got here. What even is life.

Time you were relaxed: Just before I realised I hadn’t written my column or post and time was rapidly slipping away from me – like sands through the hourglass… which is a really depressing way to look at life actually. Who would open a show with something that glib?! I’m glad The Days of Our Lives is over.

Time you felt really happy: I believe I was screaming the lyrics to Taxiride’s Creepin’ Up Slowly while pouring myself a ginger crush wine.