Alright everyone, I’m going to try to start a new health regime.

I have the apartment to myself for the next two weeks and I feel I either have to turn it into a sex cave or a wellness retreat to fully make use of this golden solitude.

Considering I currently have no prospects in the romantic, or even not-at-all-romantic, department, I’m going to have to go with wellness retreat by default. And hey, perhaps this may contribute to my romantic prospects. Because nothing attracts lover quite like talking about how many squats you did in a cloud of Brussels sprouts fart, right?

It’s Sunday, so I’m feeling both guilty and optimistic.

Guilty because all I did today was visit a filming location for Looking for Alibrandi (University of Sydney, to be exact. Of course it was beautiful but I forced myself to be underwhelmed at the size of the main quadrangle, which I snapped to my interstate mates informing them that UQ’s Great Court is bigger – because apparently I am a walking Euphoric Queensland Meme) and eat a doughnut at the new coffee place that just opened around the corner. It was almond meal, so I feel good about that. And I had been wanting to suss the place out for a while, so it’s somewhat of an item checked off my to do list. I also washed my sheets, but that’s starting to feel like less of an achievement and more of something I just need to do (like brushing my teeth) as I cement myself as a grown up.

But I still feel like I wasted my day.

So I’ve got the guilt going, but I like to turn my guilt into something useful. I’ll try to turn it into optimism, because heavens knows I’m unable to conjure positivity out of nothing but good feelings. Even my positivity has to be rooted in negativity.

In order to turn things around, I’ve bought myself some lilies, which are now sitting in a vase on the dining room table. I told myself that I deserve them, but I’m hoping this will have an ongoing effect of making me work hard to continue feeling like I deserve them – look, just because it’s illogical doesn’t mean it won’t work.

With just a few hours left until a new week begins, I’ve got together a list of ideas that I’m hoping I stick to instead of simply running off the high that comes from having written a to do list and abandoning said tasks because I’ve already got the hit I needed.

And it’s not just bodily health. I’m going to focus on my mind too, because it’s currently in a state of mush. I can’t spell. I can’t remember people’s names. I generally feel dumb. Something must be done, but in a minimally exerting manner.

Overall, the idea is to be kind to myself, but in a way that gives me a tight rig.

So far I don’t have much, but the idea is to do things that I couldn’t otherwise do with my housemate here because I don’t want to wake her up/get in her way/take up too much space/be embarrassed about my lack of fitness/create unpleasant smells I wouldn’t put up with if I hadn’t made them.

This includes:

• cooking fish-based dishes
• doing stretches before breakfast
• squatting in front of the TV
• making sweet potato brownies
• painting my feelings
• listening to meditative music an hour before bedtime
• having spontaneous two-minute dance parties for one
• cooking and eating an unprecedented amount of Brussels sprouts
• doing crossword puzzles
• doing an actual puzzle, taking up the other half of the dining room table that isn’t taken up with paintings of my feelings

That was a very quick list, there’s bound to be more as the week goes on.

I’m not sure how this week will go but I hope I can at least make it to Friday before I consume an entire family-sized pie and watch Bridget Jones’ anything.

Stay tuned.