Originally published in The Clifton Courier June 29, 2017

I tried to map my future the other night and I’m still a little lost.

As always, I’m doing a little soul searching.

That’s what I do. I drink tea. I sniff newspapers. And I question who the heck I think I bloody am.

It’s a constant state of self-reflection. The question “what am I doing with my damn life?” crops up all too often. When I’m sitting on the train. When I’m grocery shopping. When I’m in the bathroom scrolling through Paris Hilton’s selfies on Instagram.

Obviously that question is wildly appropriate in that last scenario. If you’re spending extra time in the bathroom to look at photos a former reality television star has taken of herself and you DON’T wind up questioning who you are as a person, then you might be beyond help.

So I started by writing down my values.

This, according to the free advice I skim from professionals off the internet, is something that gets your head in the right space.

It makes you consider what you care about.

And I’m not talking about people. Obviously I value my family and friend. The Top Eight era of Myspace is behind us.

Nope, when I’m talking values, I’m going to need to be more specific.*

* But not too specific. Like, I value garlic-topped hummus and chai tea lattes, but I feel like including them on this list may be going a bit far. Maybe I’ll make a list of my secondary values for this purpose – listing all the foods I hold great esteem for. I could even make it hierarchical if I was having a really loose weekend. That actually might be helpful to have on-hand when deciding what I want to eat for dinner. 

One thing I put on this list was decent sleep. This is contradictory considering I’m up at 10pm watching Pretty Woman when I have to be up at 5.30am.

This fact is also in contradiction to a few other values, such as intellectual stimulation and trying new things. Because I’ve seen this movie many times. I would even use the world “countless” in place of a finite digit. One weekend I watched it three times.

So re-watching it isn’t exactly powering up the old noggin’. I mean, I could intellectually stimulate myself by unpacking the discourses of class and gender or analyse the film through a feminist lens. But, I don’t want to tear apart a movie I love so much.

Apparently we find ourselves the most unhappy when we aren’t living in accordance with our values. But I’m feeling pretty happy right now. But that’s probably because as I write this I’m in my Aristocats pyjamas, slippers and lazing in the lounge with the heater on. I don’t need to be productive or presentable right now.

But I guess Future Dannielle won’t be happy tomorrow, when she is in a professional setting wearing shoes and being held responsible for her actions. Especially when she’s tired from a big Thursday night with Julia Roberts and Richard Gere.

So I guess not living in accordance with your values doesn’t just apply to the moment. It extends beyond that.

This is going to be something I live up to continuously.  And it occurs to me that I should amend my ways immediately.

But I think it helps to have these things written down. It lays out bare what you care about and whether you’re living a life aligning with said values. In black and white, it’s clear where you’re going wrong.

So what are my other values? There were a few, but two stood out for me.

I wrote down cleanliness, which is confusing considering how many wears my sports bra gets before it goes in the washing machine.

But I can’t amend this, as another value I have is being environmentally responsible, which means not using the washing machine too much. And I also value financial stability, and sports bras are too bloody expensive* to buy one for every day of the week. I can, however reduce the impacts of this by living up to another value – that of personal space. Which is more of a public service than anything else.

* Yeah, I’d like to loiter on that point for a moment. Those babies are at least fifty buck a pop. It’s such horse shit that sports bras are so exxy. There are very few women who can exercise without one, and we all need to exercise to be healthy so what the shit are we supposed to do?! I’m getting tired of “burn the patriarchy” being the answer to all my questions. 

Another value I listed was privacy, which is confusing as I have a twice-weekly public spill sesh when I detail things like my toilet-based social media viewing habits and the frequency of which I wash my intimates.

But I can’t change this because over-sharing is how I connect with my friends and family.

And with you. Sorry.