Originally published in The Clifton Courier, April 12, 2017

I’ve suddenly realised the reason I was put on this earth.

Some people are born to be doctors. Some dedicate their lives to launching humankind to new frontiers in outer space. Some people knit numbers out of their vaginas to make people feel more comfortable about vulvas (although I feel like storing wool up there would be anything but comfortable for the poor dear and the whole exercise would have resulted in the creation of the world’s first thrush scarf… so good on her?).*

* Obviously this part didn’t make it to the print version. I’ve sprinkled a cheeky pap smear reference in my column here and here, but even I admit that this line could have gone a little too far.

I’m making it my life’s mission to bring the word “drongo” back to regular use.

Scoff all you want, but this is important. Drongo is a delightful word that can used as both an insult and a term of endearment. It’s got that classic Aussie twang that I would like to preserve for future generations. But it seems to be dying out, like the name Daryl or Cheryl or Keith. Seriously, how many baby Daryls have you come across recently?* Australia’s bogan culture is at risk of being abolished and it’s up to each one of us to maintain it into the future.

* Two years ago I heard word of a baby Trevor, but that’s not the same as “Daryl”. Plus, since that Tame Impala dropped I feel there may be a few ironic Trevors dropping out of wombs.

And because I’m a long way off being in a position to name a baby Keith, I’m trying to keep “drongo” alive (perhaps it’s a good thing I’m a long way off parenthood, as bestowing a child with the name Keith purely for the LOLs doesn’t scream parental responsibility).*

* That being said, I would totally name my son Bruce if I was confronted by one at this point in my life, but I think I would do the same in the same circumstances five years from now.

I have very little influence, but prolonging the life of “drongo” is how I’m choosing it utilise it.

And I’m not the only one who tries to bring words back from the proverbial grave.

My friend, who has both a law degree and a science degree, wears sensible shoes, is always tastefully-dressed and is an all-round reasonable person, still uses the term “fergalicious”.

The word was bought into existence by RNB singer Fergie, who you might know as “that blonde girl from the Black Eyed Peas”, back in 2006. At that time, Fergie coined the term in a fit of self-reverence, defining it in her hit track Fergalicious as, “make them boys go loco”. As such, we can gather that this blend of this woman’s stage name and the word “delicious” means “physically appealing to heterosexual males”.

Admittedly, a few people did use the word conversationally, but this was 11 years ago. Now, the term is practically extinct. I don’t even think Fergie herself would use it. But my well educated, mostly-sound-minded friend does.

The other day she told me she was stepping up her diet and added, “I’m going to be next level fergalicious”.

And while I can’t see this word sticking, her commitment to bringing about its resurrection is admirable. I get it, because I too like the idea of trying to get words to spread. Tying to “make fetch happen”, so to speak.

My father has a bunch of words in his vernacular of colourful phrases that I grew up assuming everyone knew.

One such phrase was “cluedy poots”, which doesn’t so much have a definition as it does a contextual relevance. It’s something you say when you’ve done a half-arsed job at, say, putting a fence up and it manages to remain upright. “Bloody cluedy poots” you say in a sarcastic but cheerful tone before cracking open a XXXX Gold.*

*I mean, you can drink whatever you like, but you really need to make it a Gold if you’re going for authenticity here. In fact, if you really want to play it by the book, you should also be wearing dust covers over your boots and a sloppy Akubra that you’ve sewed together haphazardly with mismatched thread. 

Since discovering the term was something Dad made up with his mates and was not a widespread slang word, I’ve been trying to get it to catch on. I guess I like the idea of people following my example (to a certain extent, otherwise society would cease to function).

Another friend has started referring to garlic bread as GB.* It was a codename him and his family used for the delightful buttery treat when speaking around his garlic-bread fiend of a niece. But he now uses it in everyday conversation. I have followed suit.

* He says IC instead of ice cream too. This guy is a genius. 

When my brother in law goes out to buy Mexican food, he’ll say his going “burrito bashing”. And he’ll suck long and hard on a “thicko”, which obviously is slang for “thickshake”. Of course, I have already explained these terms to the poor fellow who sits at the computer next to mine at work and encouraged him to use them freely.

And now I am passing these words on to you, dear readers, in the hope that some of them will catch on and be passed on like burning torches to generations to come.

Except fergalicious, of course. That belongs in 2006.*

* Sorry, sweetheart. I mean, you keep using it because it is hilarious, but no one else can pull it off. And just because the word “Fergalicious” is dead, doesn’t mean you don’t embody the very essence of the word.