Abridged versions originally published in On Our Selection News October 6, 2016

Never have I felt such an affinity for the sands in the hourglass in that iconic graphic at the start of The Days of Our Lives.

Lately I’ve been using weekly planners that encourage me to identify three life priorities at the start of  the week and structure the next seven days around those grand ideas.

Unfortunately I was far too busy for this on Sunday (my sister and I were planning a “health weekend” but instead we ate a litre of ice cream each and watched the same Cameron Diaz movie two-and-a-half times – I just didn’t have the time to devote to organising my life).

So I’ve decided to go the blank planner at the end of the week and work backwards, deducing what my three priorities were based on what I did in the past seven days.

Seven days was enough for the girl who lived down a well to stalk, traumatise and eventually kill people for watching her video in The Ring, but apparently for me it’s not enough to do anything noteworthy. Sure, this demon was probably on student welfare payments (I assume she’s studying filmmaking in uni) and didn’t have to work, but I am technically on holidays. Aside from this column, I have nothing to do.

Holidays in warm weather are supposed to be times when you find yourself, go on an adventure with your friends and possibly find a dead body in the woods. You’re supposed to look back on your time and feel like you’ve done something memoir-worthy with it.

But I haven’t. This became clear when I was asked about my favourite thing I had done this week. My answer as was, “…yesterday I ate a burrito?”. Mexican food is delicious, but the highlight of your week shouldn’t be something that will eventually be splattered over the toilet bowl, you know?

Based on how I frittered away my days, I could say my first priority was “unleashing my creativity”. I “achieved” this by making my friend a birthday card with a hand-painted chicken schnitzel on it, accompanied with a schnitzel-related verse. I also photographed local parkland – and but that I mean, I took 25 pictures of flowers which were such a deep purple that their petals were essentially black. They looked like something out a film clip for Blink 182 during that period when somehow Tom Delonge was allowed to steer the once cheerful and cheeky soft rock band into a commercial emo direction. I took these photos to create the perfect Instagram post with the perfect caption: “I finally found a flower as dark as my soul”. Or at least that’s what I would have had more if my phone hadn’t have conked out of battery, so I didn’t post it and therefore didn’t get the likes I so desperately crave. Deep and artistic side nurtured? Check.

My second priority could be “nourish the bod”, because I spent a good whack of my Tuesday turning bran and pumpkin into pie. I also thought about eating as many vegetables as possible, and it’s the thought that counts so I’m going to count it. Body as a temple? Check.

My final priority was “boost online presence”. I added my friends’ aunty on Facebook, mentioned vanilla slice on my blog and tweeted about the Game of Thrones finale, which came out months ago but I only just got around to watching. Building an army of online followers by creating compelling, relevant content? Check and check.

Now that I’ve checked off my priorities list, I am free to waste the remainder of my week without guilt*.

*Side note: I spent that Sunday dedicating a whole day to breakfast and a viewing of The Mindy Project with my sister. We had pancakes, bacon, turkey bacon, blueberry bagel and TWO kinds of waffles – because some genius was put on this earth to invent potato waffles and in recent years I suppose the great potato prophet delivered a miracle for humanity. It was a great Sunday.