At the start of the week a story broke that out of all the electorates in Australia, only one had more than 50 per cent of the population against legalising same sex marriage.

One.

And of course it was the one I grew up in: Merry old Maranoa.

This was based on data from ABC’s Vote Compass. So technically, it’s not the entire population, just the population who could be bothered to log on to the internet and fill out a bunch of questions. And, if we’re going to be super technical, it’s the people who had actual access to the Internet with a connection reliable enough to support the website for the amount of time it takes to fill out the questionnaire.

Regardless of all the variables and questions raised about the proportion of the population that used Vote Compass as opposed to the proportion that doesn’t, this was a blow.

Because I like where I grew up. It’s a strange place that my Sydney friends don’t believe is real.

I’d like my home patch to be known for the sheer ingenuity that comes with saving a dying bottle tree by plugging it with cement rather than collective bigotry.

But I’m comforted by one fact: this data was collected in 2013.

I like to think that we’ve moved on from that. I like to think that in 2016, we realised there were far more important things to channel our strong opposition towards than two consenting adults being legally bound to one another.

I like to think we’ve realised that, in the grand scheme of things, where someone wants to stick their body parts doesn’t really matter at all as long as said parts are going into (or grinding on) a consenting adult. It’s actually pretty weird that this can be someone’s biggest concern.
For people who are in the gay, lesbian, bisexual, queer, transgender and intersex community, being able to marry the person they love is a pretty big deal. It’s a pretty big deal for anyone – that’s why weddings are such big piss ups.

It’s not just about the party though. It’s about that legal recognition of marriage.

It’s about all the rights that heterosexual people who are married have simply because they tessellate.

It’s about acceptance.

It’s about not having someone/an legal system/a country/a roomful of crusty old pollies tell they can’t do something.

There are a lot of people out there who want same sex marriage, not just the LGBQTI folk.

Even if you’re not one of those people who want these fabulous unions to exist, it seems silly to rally against it.

Because we have bigger fish to fry.

We have an alarming suicide rate in rural Australia.

We have coal seam gas dividing communities.

We have farmers getting ripped through the arsehole by supermarkets.

We have more than 80 per cent of Queensland in drought status.

We have domestic violence ripping families apart.

We have all this crap to deal with in our state alone. Let’s not go into the national and global issues, which are also pretty fucking critical.

And yet people still seem to think that preventing two people who love each other being recognised as a married couple is worth marching against.

It’s even more baffling that with things like a refugee crisis and ice scourges and homelessness that this is the issue churches want to be vocal about.

With so much shit going down, why do people give enough shits about feeling irky about someone else’s love life to complain about it? There are SO MANY more important things to complain about.

Like seriously, there are farmers riddled with depression living in dustbowls teetering on the edge of suicide and you care about preventing two adults’ wedding?! Are you fucking serious?!

Having spent about 90 per cent of my life in Maranoa, I find this really odd.

Because we’re the kind of people who know why you shouldn’t leave the water running while you brush your teeth. We’re the kind of people who opt for an Akubra and a long-sleeved shirt instead of a one of those singlets with armpit holes big enough to fit Clive Palmer through when the sun is the hottest. We’re the kind of people who keep a spare stubby holder in the glovebox at all times.

Because we’re practical people.

And practical people don’t carry on like a pork chop over pointless crap that doesn’t actually hurt us.

We’re the kind of people the whole country describes when they talk about the “typical Aussies”. We’re the ones who help someone out of a bog. We’re the ones who turn up with a tray of slice when a neighbour’s going through a rough patch. We have a nickname for nearly everyone. We’ll sink piss with rich or poor, old, young or even those just under the legal drinking age (we probably draw the line at 14 though – we’re not animals).

We’re she’ll be right, fair dinkum top blokes.

So it seems weird that we’re being branded as homophobes. Because if you’re a real top bloke (and that phrase applies to any sex, by the way), you don’t think you’re better than anyone.

Because that’s essentially what people who oppose same sex marriage appear to do.

If you’re heterosexual and against same-sex marriage, you’re basically saying that your way of making the sex (e.i shoving a penis into the various holes of a female) is superior and therefore the only legitimate way of doing it. You may say that you don’t have a problem with homosexuals but don’t think they should be able to be married or call their committed relationships “marriage”, then you’re saying your relationship is better than theirs. And therefore theirs is inferior and illegitimate, which basically translates to a piss-soaked pile of pork gristle.

In Australia, we’re built on the notion that every bastard is equal. We like to think that we’re all mates. We see ourselves as true blue. We don’t like the idea of thinking we shit gold and we certainly can’t stand the pricks who act like they do. That’s definitely the vibe I get from growing up in Maranoa.

That’s also the tale we like to feed into on days like Anzac Day or Australia Day – that we’re great people who care about our makes and aren’t up ourselves.

So why is it that in 2013 apparently so many top blokes from Maranoa (and I know a lot of top blokes from Maranoa) thought their sexual orientation was better than someone else’s?

I don’t really have the answer.

But I certainly hope that in 2016, all the top blokes in Maranoa – and the shit blokes too – realise that opposing same sex marriage not only makes them a dickhead, but there’s so many other things to be angry about.