Nah yeah: Getting to take an early mark from work because apparently everyone is taking it easy ahead of the festive break. I felt like Micky Mouse playing Bob Cratchit when he is kindly allowed to leave Ebenezer Scourge McDuck’s counting house, except for the fact that I’m not a male cartoon rodent – but fuck me I was just as jolly and was rocking the same strut.

Yeah nah: Needing said early mark to soak my eyeballs in Dettol and  scrape the flaky memories off my brain with a trowel after spotting a 65-year-old at the bus stop with his faded blue singlet strategically pulled across his chest to allow his nipple to flop out of one of his armholes. Now, you might mistake this for a happy accident, but the fact that this man held my gaze as I passed and had a silver piercing with both ends glittering gracefully in the morning sun as they boldly emerged from his flabby areola told me that this was a statement. I don’t know what that statement was exactly, it was powerful nonetheless. Because nothing makes you re-evaluate your value system quite like maintaining eye contact with a senior citizen freeing their pierced nipple smack bang in the public sphere. Sure, it was creepy, but in a way it was also a big middle finger to shackles of society and the restraints of our conservative existence. Sometimes we all need to break free.

Maybe we’re all that possibly senile and somewhat inappropriate man, just letting our nips see feel the warmth of the sunshine, finally letting the world see what makes us shine – and it’s not just the senseless puncturing of body parts that can cause us to glisten, but our fearless spirits. Sometimes you need to say “to hell with everyone” and let it all flop out like a skinless chicken fillet popping out of a plastic bag.