Published in On Our Selection News July 3, 2014

Nothing cements your stature quite like the number of fingers waved at you when you’re driving.

I’m not talking about obscene hand gestures, I’m talking about the humble finger wave. For those who have never been on a road in a country town ever, a finger wave is when a driver lifts one or multiple phalanges off their steering wheel as you pass. It’s a wholesome, friendly gesture. But like most innocent, warm-willed actions, I can completely subvert it with some over-analysis and just a dash of cynicism.

If you get one finger wave, that person doesn’t know you, but shows some kind of respect for you based on the location at which you cross paths, and the type of vehicle you drive. If you’re in a ute in a country town, no matter how much of a local you’re not, you’re getting a finger wave. If you have a shiny family sedan, you’re going to need to be on a dirt back road or wearing an Akubra visible from one kilometre to raise the finger of a stranger. A one fingered wave also comes in handy when you’re passing someone very slowly and kind of have to acknowledge their presence without coming on as too clingy. For example, if you lift a hand off the wheel and wave at a road construction worker with a stop/go sign, you’re coming on too strong. The worker will either stare at you blankly or become a little worried that you’ll pull up for a chat. But if you raise a finger, you’re not only being polite, it’s very likely that you’re also going to get a nod of acknowledgement. And that nod basilically says “Hey man, I don’t know you’re name, but I know who you are, Inside. I know your soul and I get you, just like you get me.”

The two fingered wave is a wave of obligation. It’s a show that you do indeed recognise that person’s vehicle and don’t generally bid them any bad luck, but it’s the kind of wave you think about before giving. It may be that you’re lifting an extra finger because they’re in a Police vehicle and you don’t want to appear to be giving them a middle-fingered gesture (which is an entirely different finger wave all together). It might just be that you don’t like the person enough to instinctively wave joyfully at their presence, so you have to force it. You’re not their friend, but don’t want to go starting fights because they make an excellent contribution to the slice table at school events and you don’t want to have to avoid their slice on principle. If you would eat their slice, you’re obligated to acknowledge their vehicle as it passes you.

The next step up is the full lift-off. Because the real measure of affection is in the thumb. If you lift off the thumb, you lose a bit of control of the wheel. If you get a full hand lift finger wave, it means that person will willing to risk their life, to send you warm wishes. The wave is even sweeter when the person has their family riding in the car. Nothing says “hey, how ya going?” quite like gambling with the lives of your loved-ones. The full handed wave is true love. A bromance for the ages. Either that, of it’s the sign of a far too keen stalker. In which case choose your returning feature wisely – apparently people read quite a bit into these gestures and things can get out of hand.