Published in On Our Selection News January 16, 2014

Hot cross buns are apparently very important.

I know this because, thankfully, my mother likes to listen to the world’s most annoying radio station that discusses the pressing issues affecting the world today. One morning a few days ago, I awoke to the sound of people trash talking a packet of what is essentially mini bunloaves with bland icing. It’s a serious debate that warrants the attention of the nation, and seems to really rile people. And it’s not just on the radio – you overhear comments in the shopping aisles and between friends at lunch. They ask the big question: is it too early for hot cross buns? It’s not whether or not 2013 being the hottest year on record is something to be concerned about or the federal school funding model or even if Geoff and Brynne Edelsten are actually getting a divorce. The time of year that hot cross buns are sold is apparently the issue worth debating here. Hot cross buns come out “early” ever year, and yet people are still shocked and appalled by it. Every. Damn. Year. Flour, water and a few sultanas have never been more offensive. “We just got over Christmas and now they’re shoving Easter down our throats?!” is a common response.

First off, “just got over Christmas”?! Is Christmas really that tortuous of an ordeal for you? Were the presents, the astounding variety of sweet foods rolled into bite-sized balls and the general feeling of cheeriness too much for you to handle?! Holidays are fun – even if you’re single and hate spending time around your family. They’re fun because they make things different to jazz up what would have otherwise been a mundane work day. They give you an excuse to wear a silly hat or tell someone that you love them. “But it’s just so commercial!” you say to me. Yes. People want to make money. Accept it. Commercialisation is a symptom of the capitalist society we live in. A baker selling hot cross buns in January is no more of a shallow cash grab than a grocer stocking their shelves with apples. Commercialisation doesn’t make a holiday less special, it just provides multiple options of ways to celebrate. Because a holiday isn’t food. It comes without presents. It comes without tags. It comes without packages, boxes or bags – haven’t you ever seen The Grinch? Holidays are only “commercial” if you choose for them to be.

Secondly, the only thing going down your throat is a nice baked item, not the crucification and resurrection of Christ (luckily, as I imagine that would leave splinters in your oesophagus). It’s physically impossible to have a holiday shoved down your throat.

My final point is that, unless you’re being kidnapped and force- fed hot cross buns as some kind of fabulous torture, said baked goods are probably not being shoved down your throat. Most likely, you’ve got to be the one to walk into the store, purchase the offensive bun and feed it to yourself. As Captain Planet said, “the power is yours”. If you don’t want to eat a hot cross bun, you really don’t have to. And if you’re not into Easter, just view it as a fluffy sultana (or choc chip) laced treat that happens to have two very bland strips of some kind of vague icing substance which intersect at a 90 degree angle. Is it really that big of a deal?